“It’s not fair” - Is God generous?
“It’s not fair” - has anyone else heard that phrase this week? Whether it’s food portion sizes, time spent on computer games or whether or not they need to have a shower, it seems fairness is a big deal in our house!
I find it all too easy to jump into chastising my children for not being ‘grateful enough’ or not ‘understanding how blessed they are’. However I’ve come to realise that I am more like my children than I care to admit when it comes to fairness. I’m learning that my posture towards God is often one of expecting fairness and of crying ‘it’s not fair” when things don’t fit my version of fairness and justice. When I watch God’s blessing fall on others while at the same time my prayers stand unanswered it’s all too easy for my heart to cry “it’s not fair”.
Comparisons stink!
‘Comparisons are Odious’ - The phrase comes from the early 15th century but it was Shakespeare who popularised it when he modified it to read ‘comparisons are odorous’ in ‘Much ado about nothing’. And he was right, comparisons stink! They are also one of the tactics the enemy uses to distract and frustrate God’s peoples. Comparisons stink in three ways...
Comparisons sap joy - they remove our ability to enjoy.
Comparison stops us building up others and therefore God’s kingdom. We miss the opportunity to call out the good things we see God doing in other people when we are stuck in a loop of comparison.
Comparison makes us miss what we have and are to do right now as disciples. It’s so easy to miss what God has for us right now, here, in the waiting because we are so focussed on the lack of this current moment. The truth is that in times of struggle, pain and waiting God is at work inside us. He is refining us, changing us, moulding us. He is getting rid of outdated thinking and wrong attitudes. He is turning our hearts back to him. Comparison makes us believe there is little or no worth in this current season - that is a lie!
Is God Generous?
In Matthew 20:1-16 Jesus tells a story about a manager who goes out and hires some men to labour for him at the beginning of the day. He hires men at the beginning of the day and then goes out and hires more at midday and again at the end of the day. When it comes to paying these men, he pays them all the same. The men who have worked all day are outraged! “It’s not fair”! I mean rightly so, right? They’ve worked for hours longer than the guys who were hired for the last hour?
The manager replies ‘Are you jealous because I’m generous?’.
Those words hit me - we quickly compare God’s goodness and blessing in the lives of others with how His goodness and blessing are working out in our lives don’t we?
It’s easy to turn blessing in someone else’s life into pain in ours. The child we long for, job we dream of, the relationship we pray for, the home we hope for - how did they get in the ‘blessing queue’ and we didn’t? It’s not fair!
The manager’s reply in Jesus’ story is a reminder as to why jealousy doesn’t get us anywhere and how it actually reveals an attitude of ‘it’s ok for God to be generous and bless others as long as I get the same’. I realise how similar I am to my children when they spot that their sibling has a larger portion of cake, the joy of their own piece is gone. I want God to be fair - God wants to be extravagantly generous.
Tips for change
So what do to? How do we combat this human instinct to cry “It’s not fair”?
Here's two simple ideas to try ourselves and with our kids;
1. Gratitude - spotting the places where we are living under a waterfall of blessing. I love to write down three things I’m thankful for every morning and then do a weekly thankfulness review on a Sunday evening as part of my prep for the week ahead. This has been a great discipline to keep over the years, especially on the days when things are really hard. It’s an easy practice to encourage our kids with as we sit down for meals or tuck them up in bed. Sometimes the gratitude flows but other times I find I’m writing that I’m thankful for the sun being up, or for the warm drink in my hands - it doesn’t matter, the important thing is that we teach ourselves and our children to see and name the good even, and especially, in a time of perceived lack.
2. Celebrating with others, even when it’s painful. This is WAY easier said than done and I know celebrating with others can be very difficult in particular seasons of life. But the more we realise that God’s goodness in another’s life isn’t a reflection on His goodness in ours, the easier this gets. And the amazing thing is that we can ask God for help when this feels painful and hard. We can teach our kids to be a cheerleader for the friend who does well at school, the kid who gets the award. We have friends who keep a bottle of fizz in their fridge so that they are ready to celebrate with others, I love the heart behind this!
Hopefully the next time we hear ourselves or our kids shouting ‘it’s not fair’ we can remember the truth that we have a generous God and pray for eyes to see and celebrate His generosity in our lives and the lives of others.
Bryony Wells lives in Sheffield with her husband Rich, they parent three kids together and run Make Better Studio. She is host of the I Should Probably Change Podcast and encourages people to engage with God’s word through Bible Writing Challenges, you can join in here.
Connect with Bryony on her instagram at bryony_wells